The mac and the catterpillahs

Apologies first offa to SSM ..for the delay in postin the adventure ..
and as a sidenote i suggest to meself Metamucil ..for regularity ...GROSS!!




And underneath the XYZ towers the mac found its true destiny .. the journey
the err ..the ..TCGthS soully recommends a nite out in such circumstances ..as in whenever Vows of the bheeshma proportion have been taken ..an audience is needed to say WOW
and no cause for consternation My X minded readers ..Mac has not sworn celibacy ..( in fac that word only existed in dubbulspit :)
In fac the whole point of this discourse being how the journey of "The Mac" affected the sex life of them catterpilla=s
you wonder how ??
tch tch
then follow ...

the mac having been deeply moved by the discourse of the man bent over and the man standing over him decided to find the road first which would Qualify for the question that the mac had in mind ..appropos .. the mac set off .. (No no you perv ..not in her bedroom) in full public and virtuous view.. to henceforth decide as to whether her life was preordained ..
having decided the Question, the Mac now decided to find her way home (for you see ,She was of the female species and no matter how obfuscated you sound ...She i.e. the Mac knew exactly what you meant ..which was a pity of course! )

the rest of the story being that ..the Mac found herself in egypt.. in front of the PHOENIX
..now the mac had small eyes ..very small eyes ..capable of catching the slightest detail ..
And she stood now in front of the phoenix ...
At this moment a very unfortunate occurrence occured. The TCGTtS says that history says THAT.. a giant meteorite absolutely Bored with its existence decided to Flash itself in front of the innocent eyes of the mac ..the result being that the mac was now transmogrified into the Mag-nify

the Mac now perceived .. of course ..it was divya drishti .. the phoenix was a giant acrobatic feat no less ... one lazy catterpillar over another !! ...the mac was adventurous and seeing was CERTAINLY not believing ... She said "Hi" ..
This was absolutely unacceptable to the catterpillars who had spent an N number of years in celibacy and in performing the acrobatic feats aforementioned
so ...they all said they were going on STRIKE !
and they climbed down and the phoenix was destroyed...
Which was "Kewl" for mac of course since she now had a course to ride !
however Mac being mac decided that the catterpill-ahs needed some rehab ...and this is when mac met the party-cater
the party caterpillar ...ahhh ...sigh the less said about him the better
Mac was absolutely besotted with the party cat
the party cat was somehow ...
1) skateboarding on top of the sliding called "the great depression"
2) hatted on at the time of bankruptcy
3) in fact the cat let us into one of his major secrets "you re as hungry as you eat" ...which was a joke as it turned out! "

So mac was now faced with this Great wall ... of catterpillars which had dismantled to form another wonder " a WALL!"
This was the first time Mac was in love however which is why she was absolutely trite about having her heart broken ...In any case it could not be friendly advice... i tried fourteen disguises and the mac would know ... sigh ! which meant i would just have to be a hero!!
Now Now to the real secret! ..the cat-err-pill-ahs had been lulled into a state of complacency ..in which case most of them just laid past ..and some tried to build on their careers ..being mid level managers and all that;) ...
So mac fell in love and would share her lunch box everyday with her newest pal ...party cat
The party cat was innocent however and only a hundred years old ( Know age for knowledge!)
and they let Mac be with her Party cat.. such a joint had been known in the past days as heady ... however these days it was known as "cool" which was ironic however as the rain gods hadn't pissed in years ...
That however is a discussion reserved for future episodes ..
under a shy night sky Mac finally dared to ask ..the name of the party cater..
the party cater rolled up his eyes and said "dil..bert"
and thus Mac was introduced to great happenings in the course of middul age ..
This was a great shock to mac ..totally unacceptable ..
she decided to count matchsticks to pacify herself ..in fact she counted up to a hundred of them .. when she had reached fifty however ..she decided she wanted to be a rock star
the party cat a.k.a. dil..bert decided that he needed to face his folks and such like ..and decided to climb down the mountain of romantic sojourns with a stone tablet that contained ten coupons to the next Mac concert ..and these were widely distributed as the ten mac-ad-ments

Dil..bert and mac having been the true agents of change decided that the party was now truly on .. got their respective hats with a beach blanket and while the Mac skittled on to newer adventures under her new disguise she left the erstwhile phoenix err its constituents a much more "ACTIVE" place.. party and all
..Dil..bert was one Happy caterpillar..

a shake-a-leg-at eventide!

The horizon was dark, grey...beautiful
The wind lilted and teased the clouds as they struggled in vain with the
Golden lining that had started to assert itself
I have always believed that the morning sky is a mirror to my dreams
As the sunlight filters through the mist and splits into a thousand rainbows, gently
Urging it to settle into little pearls on leaves...

However today's different




I’m seeing everything as a shade of grey...no black and white...
Just plain old grey
I look and stare at the few strands of grey in her hair...
Smiling to myself "Three! Sweetheart you've been lying to me! You always said only two...”
And suddenly the third is incredibly beautiful...each fleck of sunlight that bounces
Off it, blinds me...yes I want to spoil her hair, run my fingers through it
..Take what's mine... and yet sometimes it’s not that easy...

I have this powerful urge to look at the first photo we had taken together
Clandestinely :) just two copies...negative burnt...one in my wallet and the second
In her locket. The wallet's in the drawer... Its April after all...its spring!
I creep up as silently as I could...run my fingers as slowly and gently as possible
Along the chain, this moment of surfeited and clandestine contact as thrilling as the first time I touched
Her... as I’m struggling with the clasp of the locket trying to pry it open...I notice
Her eyes are wide open...and she has this absolutely wicked grin on her face...
Th..th..the photograph I stammer ..and she says "Yeah right!"
I smile back and look at her as she throws her head back and laughs
"I’m going to get a cup of coffee ..You want any ?"
I shake my head and look out of the window
She walks out of the room , happy as a sunbeam...
"Has it really been that long?" , I wonder ....

As I arrange the bedsheets the piece of paper fell out of my pocket
I quickly contrived to hide it as she walked in with a steaming cup of coffee, smiling
"What are you hiding ?" " A letter?"
I nodded a very extravagant YES and she laughs out loud once again
Brush,Shave,breakfast and I’m off to office

3 missed calls at office .. two from my doctor ..

it’s been a dull day and as I wrap up for the day ..I notice that the clouds have begun creeping up again
a one hour drive back home and suddenly I'm seized with this urge to buy her flowers..
I stop by the local Safeway ,get a bunch ..as I’m fumbling in my pocket for some change ..
it’s no longer there ..the biopsy result is missing ...
hurriedly I get back to the car and search , like a madman for the piece of paper which ordained finality
It’s nowhere to be found..and yet I remember having put it in my pocket before I went to take a bath..
"Don't worry She has not seen it ! " I try and comfort myself
I try and sound cheery as I get back home , earlier than usual
"Hello anybody home?"
and the as the doors open I lay my eyes on the most beautiful woman that ever walked on the face of this earth
"Hmm Jaanu honorable intentions I hope ?" , I winked
"Ahuh No" ,she smiles back
I wince in pain as I bend down to kiss her ...and that's when I knew she had seen it
She gaily turned away and ran to the living room
dabbing her eye as she ran
"A candle light dinner, for the two of us " ,she smiles
"Hmm… Who should join you at the dinner table ,Zorro or just the mask" , I wink
" No , just my husband " ,she said ..

we have a quiet dinner and I ask her if she wants to go outside and take a walk and she doesn't say anything
holds my hand and leads me to the parlor
we sit on the swing for a long time
Both of us are smiling
she does not answer any of my questions ..just keeps breathing down my arm .. goose pimples..
and then it’s almost like it’s a part of my arm
we both smile ...thoughts swirling ...in health and in sickness ..in joy and in grief
Till death do us part
I kiss away a tear that is threatening to drop ..

the sky is dark and a flash strikes
lightning tearing the sky into half
the darkness brings to fruition its destiny as a thousand tears drop from the sky

I know I love her and I know she loves me too
maybe it was just dull after so many years and that happens too ...
and maybe excitement and suspense are not such good company after all
Our love has never stood a test such as this before..
Gentle reader what do you suggest?



1) a piece of paper with "April fool" scrawled on it (Risking ex comm to the couch for a week,the price of honesty ..and well err folly! )

2) a second test result which declares the biopsy negative ( after a week ,of course …
this mode should at least last for a week!.. wickedness and be condemned to hell for eternity!!…
however as I figure my paradise is right here , right now! )

Return of the Mac!

The adventures of Mccurry and her warts


In spite of the ad-venture with THLo and the Heimlich maneuver
The Mac had what can be called a happy childhood ..pleasant field trips with
acne-d kids trying to poke her face too with instruments called forks(Yes they can be used for eating too!)
Mac's first brush with the harsh realities of life came in fact even before she had been hatched
Mac was rolling. and rocking down a hill ...when she got picked up by a Chinese peasant woman (a distant relative of THLo) who said "HOW CUTE!" and then promptly rolled Mac over for the remainder of the cliff... (Ack -- Kung Pow)
The Mac rolled and tolled for a great length of time and over great stretches of sand before the cracked shell found its existence in the middle of a great plain.
The Mac reared its tiny gluey head out of the shell and took in the grand world...and my my grand it was...
There was a man in a chariot and another man bowing ...having giant bouts of the unmentioned abominable requiring enormous quantities of angelsoft... such foul winds of change had never blown...and thus the decision was taken to promptly dedicate the incident to legend ...thereby commisioning a band to sing an Ode to the aforementioned environmental "happening" and the army to tear down a particular wall.. To expedite access to a certain room of rest across the border...

note 1
This promptly laid rest to two of the prevailing theories...
One of the supremacy of a certain race...
And the other and more important one
Which came first?
The chicken or the egg?
Ans = the egg rolled over and the chicken went
Not a question of who came first?

The chicken decided that this Q needed to be answered and therefore promptly swallowed great diets of multivitamins (for strength) and Viagra (for depression)
The vitamins found their way and the Viagra did not...getting stuck in the throat ...thereby leading the erstwhile chicken et rooster to croak every morning for help


Mac meanwhile was watching and promptly trotted over to the gentlemen in the chariot
and asked them if...pssst pay attention
IF
"There was a road to cross”?

Diarrhea ...of the verbal kind promptly ensued at great length and great quantities
trying to explain to the bent-over man that this was the question and therefore in order to find the answer he would need to stand up for himself and find a road and then walk across it...Mac meanwhile was frantically trying to assure them of an audience in case the bent-over realized that the world was right-side-up in spite of the visions.
Mac's frantic waving caught the Man's attention however and decided to peel him an onion...
the point being all great things come at a price... a price that Mac was not willing to pay. So Mac decided that the next best course of action would be to roll over...
The onion was something Mac was NOT willing to go dutch over!

Mac however was dreadfully unimaginative and deploring her inability to conjure up a mirage ...especially now when the thirst was overpowering... at this opportune moment came rain ... not like Mac was begging ...was mostly salty as she drank it and truthfully so (for senses DONOT lie!) the rain was of a different kind ... made of giant drops of salty water which seemed to have these origins in..as she looked up ...at these gargantuan rolling eyes in the sky ... almost as if to say
if you run out of things to feel sorry for...count on me!

Mac filled all of this up in her little belly as she traversed, fiercely so, to the nearest cinema theatre 42 miles away
reaching there she paid her dues and settled into a comfortable chair as she began her journey ...or so she thought ...for it was HALOWEEN!!
a creature popped out of the skin and crept right next up to Mac and said
"Gosh Kid you're beautiful"
causing our dear M to transition through various shades of red...
and then the same figure assumed a rather ghastly shade of pale
and said Boo!
this was catalyst enough for dear old Mac to shed the red
.. PS... red promptly formed itself into a thick self serving flow and concealed itself in a bottle and proceeded to market itself as catch-up
Mac was hungry however ...having exerted her tiny newborn frame so much so
Mac decided a good place would be beneath the XYZ towers...a tower full of company meetings in progress....where at every instant an executive would spout "we must take that with a grain of salt" ...Mac would promptly proceed to chew on that grain ... not a very smart choice in retrospect ...given the future full-o-BP

at this point Mac decided to take the city bus and get back to the beginning...where the author was still waiting for her ...with a fork ..." here you go Kid...empowered thou art! :) "

A broken tooth inspires me thus
as in second installment
do dissectus ..
hopefully this is a better stew :)
Shhh poetry readin session in progress....







The dental monologues
---------------------------
MY teeth are pissed off
(“Excuse me”) PISSED OFF
The steely shiny instruments
Cold and darned near deck-a-dent

Allow me a little humor dear dentist
As you ask me about my insurance
I say your teeth are a perfect 10
Invisialign and sensodyne in totem

Do they hurt you ask
Are you pained?
I feel intruded invaded
No choice but then to take them to task

Will you please NOT smile at me?
The next time I'm in your office
A curt reminder and a toothbrush
Will duly suffice

The teeth have a mind of their own
In case you did not know you evil woman
SORRY I did not mean that... I supplice
Read my mind through such artifice?

My wisdom teeth you take and partake of
Delta or MetLife you press
Thank god even if it be four less
I say "Ummmurrm grummeltoh"

The story was really four wise men
From the east as they rose
To write Don quadro-tte
At the windmills with his toothbrush begotten

Three you say suffice as a moral
As to what you lose when the windmills charge
Three musketeers and such joy the three
Lost when the Tylenol over the steel they swore


PS- moral of the story
Lonely Tylenol= lonely Tylenol lonely Tylenol lonely Tylenol
One of a kind in this case = three of a kind ...guess??




A love story
----------------
Constant bickering
Of two kids to raise
Vacations forfeited
Life- the general malaise

Third day in succession
Same breakfast, what is she thinking?
Third day in succession
Same breakfast, I hope he sees im sulking

What did I trade for this?
The longing caress the sensual kiss

My life thrown to bits... contrived
A man and his lies, beguiled

A duller evening still
If he wears the same shirt tomorrow
Im calling my lawyer...alas
Love on mortgage- beg steal or borrow?

Its time for TV
The kids want the cartoons
And in unison both of us cry
Not today .today's platoon

Chided the kids are packed off to bed
We share the couch
Strangers -the love nested
Drawn together at the first touch

The gruesome story sought our silence
Everyday is a war I thought
And everyday a victory
For us...in spite of the turbulence

Raises her head and softly says
Honey Im thinking of taking up pottery
WHAT? With all the bills we have to pay
She snuggles up and stays quiet
The love will live to see another day

Since every love story needs to have martyrs
Ek tha raja
Ek thi rani
Dono mar gaye
Khatam kahani


a love story-II
-------------------

Chiseled in stone
my hands lovingly caress
flesh and bone
living breathing -the formless challenge

entreating me to be its savior
jesting I think, for who lies crucified?
the man or his hopelessness?
breathing life into his beloved

the scalpel skillfully shreds
as he looks for the heart
no not the one that’s stopped beating
for the one that said "Till death do us part"

"Sir, She’s dead”, the assistant cries
but it can't be...she wouldn't break a promise
I smile as I drop the mask to the floor


a fine surgeon and what an end
the naysayer say, to that fine career
but I'll look for that heart in every stone
as the four walls d in on everything I hold dear

chiseled in stone I say
the multitude closes in on me
I caress I entreat but relentless
the visions of greatness collapse
at what cost OH at what expense?




The last mile
--------------
They say there is life after death
Unbecoming though it may be
I yearn for those lovely dreams
Of colors crimson and ceaseless greens

cobblestones marked my steps
raindrops formed little mirrors
as I stared into pieces of my life
ambition...hope of a tiny river

merging blinding the sun glared
a thousand suns stared up at me
from those cobblestones
I closed my eyes...darkness, serenity

the life or a glimpse of it
pledges allegiance and promises
me a second chance
and bequeath to me an eternity
a memory



A bollywood tribute
---------------------
main aisa kyun hun
"tuin tuin" aisa kyun hun
rap rap blah blah hun
kyun hun kyun hun
oyeeiyaowe owey iyoun

teary eyes entreat the passing
of the lover on the street
as she prepares the bridal suit
in grief and in the sindoor forfeit...LOL

OYEeiyaOyeieya
gadbad hai yeh sab kya
OYEeiyaOyeieya

disgoosting i say movies like this
wifes pining for lost husbands and
like are the norm of the hublis
and change the world,, plans grand !!

Extraa marital (Shite)
uff what bite
actress ki life mein koi moral nahin hai
sarcasm strikes
"Kisi mard ka naam moral nahin ho sakta..HAI"


Vande Mataram -The twenty year anniversary (For ...)
--------------------------------
of the years that i have lost and found
with you
of the meanings i have trusted and bound
with you


thirty years later somebody wrote
a book to echo my heart
two pages stuck might be
of the mirror that showed, that smote

Things that i might desire
and things i might beseech
but things they are still
young ..the brave warrior seeks

In his arms ..the steel of endeavor
in your eyes ..the steel of hope
determination i see in that mirror
echoes as with it i cope

the storms everyday of my progeny
my dreams unshattered lent strength
beautiful, i might not be
But i know what i want to see

In that mirror i see my child
smiling, seeking my strength
as harry potter or as himself
the soldier who breaks faith with me

and yet seeks my loyalty
in the name of his mother
and in my second hand role ...as surrogate
i find pride

a cause greater than me, i cannot understand
I look in the mirror for meaning
telegrams everyday for thirty years
have not told me the story Im yearning

i hear his voice saying "You're beautiful mama!"
and i hear the steel coming across death
that cuts my heart and the noise
acrosss the town square is but
little reconciliation for the trumpets

Sigh my moment of leisure is but for grief
my steel needs my strength for the day
that needs his pride with the might, that may
perhaps, Will a thousand sons to life

Vande mataram


PS --creative except for the last poem!

poetry101 Ravaged !

Laihdeez and gennulmen in true form!
i have been absconding yes ! but then there is a cause
its called poetry :D i try i try
Do dissect ....

INTRODUCTION
-------------------

In the meter and the rhyme
Of the following verses
Lies a covenant broken
In spirit and in time

A fable in tousled jeans
Lies shed like a second skin
Yearning to be told
A jilted lover, unconvinced

The cigarette smoke clenches
My throat, everything---chokes
Orphaned rain – it drenches
The mist clears—emotion? - A hoax!

Hum a tune through the clouds
Unbent, my silhouette
Jeers at my flagging spirit
Torn at its heels, does a pirouette

Look at the crimson of the sky
As it counts the stars
Disappearing by and by
Herald a new tsar

A covenant born of despair
Is broken and torn
Adieu I say to the prose of old
The dawn salutes poetry newborn




Abhinay
---------------
“kati naahin raat mori”
“Piya tore kaaran kaaran”

Left backstage to centre
The spot follows you

In the awkward moments
of the morning after
the applauding audience gone
you smile … a new bride...

Married to the tamul tree
touched yet untouched
Desire and fulfillment blur
as you lie wide-eyed staring, dreaming...

“honey can you get the door?”
The flesh creeps over the stone

for a moment you breathed
the eyes betraying the lost lover


Smile you do as always
Put over a new mask
Over the aging one, Pout
“No I won’t, It’s your turn “


Mercy I Beg!
-----------------------
Autumn...drives me simply... to despair
In honesty and to beware
Of emotions that strike low
And behold... that

The hangman makes busy
The jute itches
In the time that stretches
I read my will

The prison of the mind
Beckons in its loneliness
Death holds you in its bind
Autumn... sure steadfast

Dead man walking
…………………….
Can’t say much
Except mercy I beg!



The Seaside cliché
-------------------------------

Did not know the might will swallow
Its own pride
In layers they sneer at
The broken ship, The old ride

In fathoms measured
And depths unknown
The sea asks
The sea knows

As for me...I grin
The saying beknownst
Tis not the s”e”ize
Tis the motion of the ocean ;)


(Seesaw hopefully you would not mind!  )


Karmisth
------------------------
Samachar samachar
A boy grown
His destiny to unfold
Written in moulds

Tall and gawky he utters
“shit it’s a bad day”
As he stares at the monitor
“Truce truce” come what may

Of gremlins to conquer
And demons to vanquish
Grandiose dreams to pamper
“Seg fault”, something’s amiss!

Another day gone by
Its evening...funny how you long
For it all day and mourn its coming by

Bested by the youth of morn
A naysayer to the gripes
Coffee and doughnuts
Wipe the screen with the “Wipes”

Another day in my life
Skills and résumé’s ajar
“Why are you wasting my time?”
I grandly shout “Samachar Samachar”


I get knocked down
-------------------------------
They tilt and they tease
The arms as they lunge
The paws offered in truce or in
Humiliation …

I see, I dodge, and I fall
Against the ropes
The steel eyes of my predator
I rise again

A stiff shot and I’m ready
The canvas is life and
I paint it with a bloody nose
My chest pressed to the rose

The thorn says “Why oh Why”
I give my life blood and say
“I get knocked down
But I get up again”

The daylight breaks in rhythm
To the lonely wayfarer
I say sing a hymn... to life
In despair and in strife

“Luck? You say is Mrs. Robinson??”
And in the whole heartedness
Of stories untold and of quilts
That show faith betrayed

I say life’s a joke and I’m a clown
“I get knocked DOWN”
PS –For GOOD 


Holy trinity
---------------------
The French blinds play
“Pay your due, boy “
In the name of day
Ah yes I say “I will ... Today”

I had a a bad dream you know
Krishna lost in the flood
Jesus lost in the snow
No generation X

The fathers grieve
For the son they’d fitted
With a pacemaker
High defn they gritted

Yes my dear friend
As you bemoan the lost
I see in you all of them
“The father, the son and the holy ghost”

In retrospect 4 years
Was it worth it?

How much did my son mean to me
Don’t know just called him sunny
When I wanted my cup of tea
I called him hunny

He’s dead now
Of the heart they say
Ha ha “of the heart”
How but how….

My son, to you, when steel
Replaced your heart
Superman got his deal 
Jane is happy


I die slowly after you
Yes I do blame you
She pulls me back everyday
The trinity cries foul “ET Tu”


Rrrated
--------------------

Kissme and smile for me
Tell me that u’ll wait for me

The story’s loud and the story’s clear
The most uncynical the most unromantic
In beliefs, in the smile and the tear
Wave wave to a part of my life

When the mousse is melting
When the chocolat’ is begging
Times like these ..janamashtami
At 12 ..no 13 .. I destroy

The object that begs to be
Yes..i smile and destroy

The seven year itch!

Well for those who don't know, here's the google(I wish!) .....funda being ..probab of married couples splitting up is highest when they have reached 7 ..the hallowed seven years of married life ... now how true is that ? ...



Hmmm ...for me the relationship has been rather up-and-down ......neah no better half ;) .. almost 7 yrs since i started working .. ...my pop had a very apt saying for this in assamese .. Confronted with my restlessness ...his brahmastra was ..."Tor Tikat kaint aase niki ?" ...that assamese ..Translation ..."Do you have thorns in your butt?" ...made me look..made me think ..yeah pops sometimes said G rated stuff out of frustration ...I've since learnt to forgive ;) ...Yesterday was talking to them and just had to ask my dad about this and if he felt something like that ......and mum too .. ...the topic totally changed from like work to romance .. I wasn't complaining .....Its strange when your parents open up to you ...and stop being parents ..and are just individuals ...my dad just let out a long sigh and says ..."im grateful for mrinali" ...and my mum ..." Its not a seven year itch ..Its a seventeen year itch (giggle) " ...and then she clarifies "the itch lasts for seventeen years " ..."So it was not a happy marriage ? " , i ask ...She totally gets defensive and asks me if they have failed in their duty as parents and a lot of stuff ... Im not going to get drawn in by that ... ...so i change the topic ..."What was your most romantic moment ?" ...my dad first ..." najanu .. prothomote moi jetiya taik ghori eta kini di-silu" ...*"Don't know ..The first time i bought her a watch" ...Mum next ... ..."Padrasan koi-se ..padasan koi-se ..padosan nai kua " laughs out crazy ...*"he said padrasan ..he said padasan ...he did not say padosan " ...this apparently was their first movie together ...."Shetu nohoi kintu" ...* "Not that though !"... " Moi aru teon biyar peesote english style photo eta loisilu" ...* "Me and him ..we took an english style photo immediately after marriage" ...i always carry that english style photu in my wallet ... ... Seven years ...they had both their kids and were struggling with the school fees ...that was an itch all right .....and i asked them about their favorite songs ..."ramaiyya vasta vaiya" - mum ..."Buku hum hum kore" ---dad -- this is like the ancient assamese version of the rudali song ......still found on musicindiaonline.com ( No i dont get paid for the shpiel ;) )... ...after seven years ...wanting to live on my own ...surprisingly ..finding my destiny in their footsteps .. the seven year itch was not all i had imagined it to be .. it was pleasant as i prepared for my own daughter's arrival .. ...i wanted to call her Nilanjana .. my parents did not agree ... they just wanted me to be exactly like them.. the first born cannot have a name starting with N ...but i wanted it ... just like that ...when she closes her eyes and opens them gently ...and then takes this world in ... in one giant stare ....she even has a frown :) ..just like her daddy :D ...I know what the seven year itch is now .....i know what it means when her ashen face smiles at me ... ...and the decision i did not take when faced with the doctor's Q "She'll bleed"...I said " i dont know ! " ...and she smiles at me with Nilu .. the seven year itch ??? ...Could any woman be more beautiful than nilu ? ...and every year when she asks me ...'"Papa what was mummy like ? " ...she was like the seven year itch nilu ... she was..and she wasnt ... more like the seventeen year itch :) .. im still biding my time............Hmmm creative !

Still Beautiful!

"Raat baaki ...baat baaki ... "...



To my mind i still cannot decide which made a bigger impression ...the voice or the graceful shoulders moving in perfect harmony ....."Kashti jawan dil ki toofan se takra gayi"...The mind in its infancy w.r.t matters between men and women did not ...understand...Instead it sought to simplify ..Good and Evil ..No grey

a storm brews.. Doordarshan is confusing me ..WHY are they showing this movie ? and this song in particular ..Don't they know better ?I wish for "Rukawat" or "Nirma" but no .. not when you want it ..not when you want a moment to reflect on a moment of perfect beauty unleashed upon you ...for we have been taught to restrain ...and ecstasy in the face of such perfection is folly ...

"Hona hai Jo ho jaane do " ...Three years since then ...standard operating guideline .. "a Girl is a Man's worst enemy " ...and yet this incongruity remains ..how can something so "beautiful" emerge from the clans of my worst enemy (Doordarshan repeats the movie ..they sure knew how to emphasise !! ) ...By now the voice is Asha Bhonsle and the face is .. well .. beautiful

"Kise nahin marne dogi ..Yeh kya ho gaya tumhe ...tumhare maathe par yeh paseena kyun hai ...Kiski maut ke baare mein soch rahi thi.. meri huh?? ...arre meri maut aur zindagi to ab tumhare saath hai ....aur pyaar karne waale maut se dara nahin karte "
Testosterone happens ... bravado in its extremity
a truce ? ?
"Deewane parwane marne se darte nahin ..." blah blah...
"aa dekh le hai kya mazaa Dil haar ke " ...:) ... a couple of "I-Wish-I-Had-Not"'s later ..cynicism sets in .. a lot of practicality sets in .. i still love movies ... but i view them critically ...
"thinking" about whether i enjoyed them or not ...and yes they hold NO relevance to my life.. after all they must have spent some money on the standard disclaimer

Ten years later .. spirit survives ..."aagaz yeh hai to anjaam hoga haseen"

Hmmm Let's think about it :) That is the standard operating procedure these days :) ...procrastination

And while i do ..i come across this snippet of news ..about a funeral .. ......The slender shoulders moving in tandem to the music

long ,lustrous hair ..and a smile that just threatens to play on the lips ...and eyes that look straight at you ...without fear ...

Farewell i say to you ..and to a part of me

"Socho na dekho na ...dekho to..jaanejaan ...."..."mujhe pyaar se "
A swansong ... ...The image in my mind fades i think .. I cannot see through the veil that covers my eyes... a predicament that plagued the subject ...
in life and in death .. viewed in ..
black and white ..and yet ..
BEAUTIFUL!

Eight years ago ..and its still Blue!

It was blue, a deathly blue ...over and over ...coats and coats of blue ..the sea, the skies, the sorrow ,all the shades awash on that landscape .....



You ..You made a valiant effort to wash them away with Your tears ..but No they would not stop ..no longer a slave to your command...Till it was the color blue in a watery curtain over that landscape .....a curtain draped over Your eyes ..maybe to numb the memories a little .....maybe to sweeten the loss a little....Ahhh Yes You tried ! The strong arm draped around Your shoulder began to falter ..the squeeze that lent strength to Your being was beginning to weaken ..and then He bent ..weak , fragile .. He walks to the side on the pretext of buying a book ...and for a minute You're left alone ..alone in the swirling mass of people ..orange ..green and a shade of red ..joy, sadness ,envy all form a maddening collage around You ..but all You can see is blue .....the blue of pride in the pinstripe that cloaks his guilt ..his guilt and Your pride ... distant yet emboldened by the same hue ...he smiles confused , waves ...and You see blue in the bottle of mineral water that He carries rushing , overwhelmed ..You feel trapped ..the water gushing out of the spout of the transparency of the container ..resisting ..just like You .....that whirlpool of a thousand images ... a series of photographs ..that You so passionately collected..each finding individuality in the blinding continuity that You weaved them into ..his life .. you dwell on it .....He holds it strong , the bottle of water , and he holds it too .. nobody willing to let go ... one taking , one giving .. but who was to take responsibility for this moment ? You disengage it from His hands ..and slip Your hand into His, as He lets go , as He always has , hands numb from gripping the bottle too tightly, the lines of fate running deeper ,inscribed in blue .....Ah a welcome respite ..a chaiwalla . little earthern pots carrying the elixir ...He fumbles , takes out crumpled rupee notes ..change from the taxi walla .. always in a separate pocket in His bush-shirt ,bargains out of habit ...insists on paying ... that man ..that MAN ..holds out for mortgage the tears in His eyes.. for a few minutes of control ..shielded in a few crumpled rupee notes .. ...They did not cry anymore .....I was there..I was there ...as they let the birds fly ...the birds flew into the sky ... eight years ago .. ...and all They could see was blue ......blue in the smoke of the Rajdhani as he waved goodbye ...Blue in the waters that separated them eventually ... Ma,Papa that was eight years ago .. ...Diwali is here again and I paint the same picture that stood still in time.. ...and yes Im happy .....No . Im wishing I could step back into that photo frame again .....for this diwali I'm wishing you light me a candle ...to show me the way when i beat the long dreary lonely path...Back home!! ...

A time of Great Pain!

I could not sleep .. and i could not figure out why. And it suddenly struck me....Yes today was the day for which i had been practising my best smile for a while now.



I reached out grabbed my cellphone and looked at the time ..sheesh 8:00 am ..(What's the sun doing out at this time ..needs to go back home to mommy). However matters as important as these cannot be procrastinated.. I needed to groom up proper .. Disapproval was the last thing i wanted to see on that face....Anyways last time we had met my company had delta and it had been stormy partings .. i was hurt .hurt bad ..took me almost two weeks to recover ...However that was all of three years ago and then last week i suddenly receive this call asking me if we could set up a meeting around 12:30 ...To confess i was not thrilled but i instantly experienced this funny tingling sensation in my teeth and i thought "well why not! " So i said Yes. ...I walk into the office and words like swank plush jumped in and out of my head ..anyways I was punctual.. and her secretary comes into say "Yeah she's expecting you, Can i get you something to read? yadaa yada ya " ...I lounge comfortably in the chair and she walks in , majestic as ever..."No NO ..Dont get up" , she smiled. ...I flashed out at her ,the smile i mean ..."AAh , I see you have been practising" ...I'm pathetic ..its so easy for these perceptive types to burst my bubble ..."Are you still using delta" ...I have the most forlorn look on my face as i say "Do we really have to go over that now ? " ...She has this stern expression on her face as she dons her gloves ( Now Now dun get any ideas !! ) ..."Are you comfortable? " ,she asks ..."I am" , i lie ,squriming uncomfortably ,withering under her gaze ..."Metlife" , i mumble under my breath ...The next half an hour is an episode of ER. Instruments ,steely and shiny , poke the innermost regions of my mouth , I get X rays biting on mirrors, banshee howls, and puppy faces hoping for some mercy .. sigh no...And then the defining moment ..."We will have to redo your root canal" ..."But .. "..."Shh, i know what Im doing here" ..."Fine! " I give up ..."You know i sort of like your teeth" , she reflects ..." Err , Hmmm .." ( is this a trick question or what , i think ) ..."They let me experiment..new stuff and all" ..."Gosh ,thats what I am , an oral guinea pig" ...After another half an hour of sermonising i am summarily put on the list to see her again after 2 weeks ...I stagger out of that office with my little goodie bag ( toothbrush , pamphlet -all) ...as the doors close behind me ,there stands the building , unpretentious and even inviting to poor unsuspecting souls who know not of horrors untold that pass behind those

A favor Repaid!

Hey shortie !! How ya doin today ;) ...Laddies and ladies ...The break well taken and aaaaaaaaaaah !! feel rejuvenated :D ...



However the topic o discussion being U-B shorty...Gawd there was a song abt fools rushing in or something right ?? sigh ..my name my name ... ...Anyways to give context to the discussion ...a long forgotten revolution being nipped in the bud by the hirsutical tendencies of the aforementioned mon ..(annexure A --refer to earlier blogs by UB and Doh --Forests of fanghorn et all , goatie et all ) ...Thees wassan opportunity too good to pass ...as the Count o monte cristo ud "sai"(Jai sai baba !) ( see im reverential even to a spelling mistake ) " SAY in a bated ,tense breath " For weeks i have waited for you to slip ..And now you have" ...Us "Toll" uns have our own crosses to bear! ...As a well known comment pigeonholes us into a human thermometer.. ...And the TDH ..hahahaha .. Nooo !!! Not seriously ..you really dun wanna know what that expands adiabatically into ...Hmmm well now i gotta tax mah brains!! neways towards the end o da blog i shall tink up o sumfin...Incidents you say ??? ...How abt a cousin asking you to morph into a broom so she can clear the cobwebs??Oh that hole at the top of yer head ? i thot it was a vacuum cleaner !! ?? sheesh !! ...What do you say to that ??? i was like ..."yeah you look great in that black dress!" Who's mourning ..ME !...And yes.. to us peepul of ambivalent dimensions(5-11 to 6) ..you know we dun belong !! ...Its like Hmmm that Tshirt is too big and this one flatters mah stom-ache a tad 2 much ...Try sitting in a roller coaster (the Big Shot on the stratosphere ..in vegas ) The free frikking fall is reduced to a joke !! mah feet find the bottom every time .. No free fall for us extended bipeds !! ...and the school time trauma Phew when you'd outgrow your trousers and your folks back home would be like "man this was supposed to be a three year insurance policy" and you'd try and blame it on surf ... ...even freud wudnt ave pretended to be walkin on stilts to impress gurls with his shortened excuse of a trouser ... besides i wudnt even fit on the couch ..sigh ...In short(jeez!! ) In tall ,we got our own saga and yes ..the answer is YES ..it does get lonely at the top !! The wind does seem to target the fields of the tallhorn a square inch more than the stunted blowpipe ... ...aerodynamics i guess!! ...altho the wind seems to blow more outta us ;) the saga of gastronomical trubbles "The winds of change".... oh scorpion where didja bite!! Gross!! ...the point being ...for us toll uns the thinning Top is a reality faster than thee ,, mebbe the blood is lazy or just plain tired in reachin the roots ...after all roots were supposed to follow the rules of gravity.... werent they ???...and to end there was this woman who i had blind dated(Gosh was she pretty!) and we were on different ends of the spectrum.. literally ...Sigh ...at the good night moment i was fervently wishing myself into a flatland moment when the third dimension would not exist and i would just be a rectangle kissin an ellipse goodnight ! ...Wish not for a revolution Gooble !!! wish fer women in short!(all rite you win!!) skimpy dresses! ...Offence !!! ..nun intended :) ...dank ya well ...PS ...TDH = Chinese for a 5'11-1/2" bloke with a myopic view of da universe ;) ............

Kaho na pee hai !

Hmmm that idyllic ex-o -lo ...that magic werd terd like that shine o soul glue on yer hair ...... i mean its infectious on that "50s " show...



uff what an excursion !! ...a gujju one too !! i mean they were trying to hook me up with a.(dot).patel ...and showing moi her first movie... where scantily clad she ..well absolutely raised a hormonal response ...but neah not an emoshunal one ..She wants to watch a moovee...hmmm godfather mebbe ???? tch tch child you need to get in touch wid yer senses....hmm w...welll ...okay...It was a crisis but yeah an alliance seemed to pale in the shadow of my projected suicide on the 16th floor by a cleaver !!!...bezides the ero.Hri-tica(now now i deserve a lil sumfin on that! ) ... I'd frankly like ta fire 'im !... Know why ?... EEs the reason why the 'ot 'ot wimmen in rain besieged sarees are missin frm the movies ..... i mean HE dances SOOOO nicely ...he's put the vamps outta bidness (as mah bud johri wud say ! ) ...... ...I mean she's clad and she 's focussed on the patel mattel that she needs to sire ! and ....we dive into the pool ..me carried away and she ..wid a purpose ...;pity Im tooo heavy fer her to carry outta the water cos i dunno how to swim !!...Besides why wud i wanna marry a "shining-nighti" ??? ...Id chooose better battlegrounds !! eh heh ! ;) ...takers ...besides anyhwho ? ...; )...PS how do i explain the 5 min trip to the moon (Loo-nat-yic ...et al .. i mean wid dem tittles and all ;)

The lord of the rings!

The yoke has been overthrown! ...The tyranny shall not last anymore! ...before i gurgle out any more shpiel ..lemme elucidate...



registered mail received by the unfortunate blogger on a rainy night in bangalore! ...Contained imprints of two circular objects within the confines of the obviously parental communication ...with a lot of trepidation the unfortunate blogger proceeds to push the envelope far past its edge and out drop two rings ...shiny objects ..one with a red stone(Munga or mooga or coral or something!) ...and the other one ..greenish (cats eye ...hmm Intriguing !) ...and a teary eyed communication from my concerned folks ..for you see they had been witness in form of documentary I-O-Us (Credit card bills) to my bacchanalian excesses and they thought that the rings would be my protectors against such lavish indulgences ...Oh and did i mention they met my girlfriend too ... ...The letter did me in ..it did ...and i proceeded to wear and display ..conscientiously rotating them ever so often against my fingers to make sure the effect rubbed off ...the fateful day ...i went to livermore to a panditji(DONOT DERIDE! i ..i .. well!) ...Now the reader might wonder what a person or non-person as the case might be LIKE ME needs to do with a priest (as is im saving the next birth for the confessions...they're bound to last that long!) ...however i digress...I noticed with alarm that the stones had grown small and had started making little itty bitty sounds whenever i shook hands with ppl (as if clicking in disapproval ) so thither i went to expeditiously rectify the situation ...The panditji assiduously took my time of birth ,my place of birth and yes my date of birth and proceeded to pore over matters i considered occult and yes view with a great deal of respect ..he huffed and hawed and hummed and then he looks up at me with a confusing look and asks me "DO you know youre manglik! ? " ...Im like " WHAAAAAT??" ...Panic ..rejection ...social ostracism ...doomsday paints itself before my eyes with that wicked red planet donning the brush ...scared with the look of a hunted animal on my face .... ...i stare at him with apprehension and then he tells me ... Your mother wants you to have an arranged marriage ? ...Im like yeah well.....and he's like That my dear boy is the true purpose of these rings, to keep your mars in restraint and to prevent you from getting into a "matrimonial alliance" (those are the words he used!) that is incompatible for you "...i stared at him and i just walked outta there ...paid him of curse ...and came home and in a very elaborate ritual flushed the ringie dingies down the crapper...feel good like Im the master of my own destiny now ...and then when the euphoria has passed i look at myself and wonder if i've exchanged one master for another ...will solve that one another day ;)

Mah poor Khitpit elbow!

In a time that was not so long ago ..point of fact last week ...i went to see a movie ..somebody's supremacy and went with hi-hopes-to-heaven



tinking i wud enjoy it ...walk in with a glass of coke to stream in regular doses of caffeine just in case i missed franka potente by as much as a blink ...Lo and behold my favorite chairs the ones right up front were still empty ...(up close and personal eh!) ...i was content ..happy even to realise that i had the space to stretch out and comfortably watch the moo-vee ...then in a whirl i was completely flanked by a gentleman and a lady of rather large proportions on either side....as an aside...for people who are the movie going types Im sure you understand how important it is to have your elbows (YES ! both of them) comfortably placed on the armrests and let your shoulders slouch and slide down in your seat..before you can truly begin to understand and appreciate the movie ...anyways this was impossible given the size of these giant elbows that were claiming space on the arm-rests that were rightfully mine ...In vain did i jostle ..I got an inch and refused to yield ..and i would bend down to sip at my coke instead of lifting my arm up to bring it to my mouth ..for i was afraid that this lonesome inch would be lost in battle forever ...ladies and gentlemen i was living a seinfeld moment in a john kennedy toole novel with ignatius and his female alter ego engaging me on all fronts at all times ...But i could not back down ..No sir ..i could not and i did not ..needless to say i did not watch the movie at all ..at all but i held my own .. and i as i left the claustrophobic confines of the cinema hall and let the breeze outside waft through my hair i was struck with a thought ..that made me smile ..drove down to blockbuster ..picked up Godfather .. went home..popped some corn ..and some coke .. lounged in THE CHAIR ..and contentedly watched that classic for the umpteenth time .. as i was saying my elbow is not usually like this ..Circumstances ,Stand up and plead guilty .. or i go to the ..mattresses

Hopey Dopey!

Here's a lil itty bitty short story that i had sent in to sulekha for publication ..din't make the cut *sigh* on grounds that the ending was too abrupt ..din't feel like changing the ending .....Here goes .........



The little Japanese village was resounding with squeals of delight from the kids who were having a gala time at the merry-go-round and the giant wheel. Spring was in the air and nature had put on its finest spectacle to bewitch the mind of man. Add to this a furious assault of Cupid’s arrows and you get the picture. Couples were heady with the twin delights of romance and fine weather but none more than the couple who were the cynosure of all eyes. Theirs was match equally approved in heaven and on earth and nobody knew it better than them. The shade of the giant tree was all the sanctum they needed.. to share her worries and concerns or to enjoy the mellow sounds of his flute wafting on the fresh spring air. ...Her beauty was unheard of and his zeal and wisdom..well, the village elders stood up and listened when he wished to make a point. Equally unheard of was their devotion to each other- till death do us part” to put it simply....That was when he walked into the village. ...He was strange. There is no denying that. ...He was wealthy too. Gossip concluded that it might have been the wealth of the oh-so-sorry forefathers, which was being squandered away in the name of a bohemian lifestyle....Rumors floated around of a lost love for he was seen dancing distracted..Or drunk.. to the tunes of a popular song ..Alone in his house..Later the sorrowful melody echoed in the still silhouette of his solitude. Sometimes his mournful voice would carry as far as the village well and the women would stop and listen..Their hearts moved in a way unbeknownst to them before. The snow would melt and draw the contours of their hearts as they carried the song back in the fiery waters of their pots....Taking his habituary walk across the meadows.. Finding his usual reprieve from the constant teasing by the village kids he found a nice little spot under the giant tree to take his afternoon siesta. As he lay down to sleep taking in the sights and sounds he was disturbed by a gentle sound. He walked around the tree to see his silent accuser. He was surprised to see a thick rope lying on the ground tied into a noose.. and Her .....He asked her gently what the matter was. She looked up and was quite scared to see the village “madman” peering down at her. His kind voice prompted some bravado however and as she stood up to speak a letter clutched in her hands fell down and he bent down to pick it up for her. She said nonchalantly, “Read that and you’ll know” pointing at the rope on the ground. The letter was one of furious rejection from a man who felt his righteousness betrayed, accused her of wanton promiscuity leading to her present state .. Indignation rejecting the idea that his brother was responsible for an act of unspeakable bestiality....“I’m cursed and I have decided to end my life at the place which bears testimony to the happiest times I’ve had”, she said....He laughed out loud on hearing this. She was shocked. It was not mockery or accusation she heard in the ring of his laughter.. It was sorrow. ...“You think it’s easy to die?” he asked scornfully....He walked away from her and she stood there, undecided …...It was a strange wedding too, the first of a sort. None of the priests had agreed to officiate. The story reached the ears of the head priest of the village and he set out to counsel the man as he lay on his deathbed....“Why do you want to destroy the life of this young woman who had a bright future until she was smitten by you? “ the head priest said. ...“Release her from your spell, I implore you”, the head priest pleaded....His silence prompted her to speak ...She stood up from his bedside and told the priest about the whole incident and how the stranger had asked for her hand in marriage and how he told her that she would be doing him an invaluable service by accepting....The head priest agreed to perform the wedding since he now thought that it was probably the best course for her and the only chance at legitimacy that the unborn child would ever have. ...The wedding was a maudlin affair the bride’s parents weeping at the twin sorrow of losing a daughter and son-in-law at the same time....Add to this the insistence of the stranger that she wear a bridal dress cut out of this worn out fabric that he possessed. It was woefully out of fashion and conveyed a sense of lost time. She seemed to like it however as she wore it tall –honor, dignity and grace plentiful in its folds....“My daughter is to be a bride and a widow at the same time”, the mother wailed as she bid her farewell....The stranger handed her a small tin box as he breathed his last in her arms ...“ For OUR child. Open it when it cries for the first time and you’ll know” ...The sun shone brightly as the cries of a newborn baby pervaded the air. She held her child and was surprised to see a birthmark on the right side of the baby’s torso. She called for the nurse to bring the tin box and opened it....The box contained some silver coins marked with the figurehead of Pontius Pilate and a letter....The letter to his newborn child read, ...“You are the manifestation of the greatest love that man has known. Call it God saving the honor of a woman as it got traded between brothers or God forgiving the curse of eternal human condition to a man whose betrayal has echoed through the centuries on an act of pure and unconditional love. You were born of faith and hope and betrayal. You are cursed too .. with love. As you weave the tapestry of your life your heart will cry at every drop of blood shed in hate and yet you’ll live telling this story. “...I grew up healthy. Society chose to call me by various names and my only defense was the name the stranger bequeathed me. ...I went on with life and nothing but the solitude of my existence and the loneliness of my curse stayed with me ..I found love in the arms of a solitary soul,the passion of a nameless night crucifying me with visions of happiness that would never come to pass. Just as I wished fervently for that moment to last forever... the Fat man and the Little boy struck .. the brightness eclipsing a thousand suns .. it seemed that man had succeeded in creating a monster who would finally dwarf God and his creation ...I see her pick up her child and try and run from the inevitable and as she falters to the ground …I age a thousand years as I watch her die. ...I live on with the curse as my legacy .. the silver coins ,singing a jingle of hope and a tattered piece of cloth serving to clear my eyes every time the mist gathers.. as I look to the heavens for an answer, I see ..and I find that little miracle of love breathing inside of me as I hope that each of us finds the savior within.......ope y'all enjawyed it !

Ze goatie a patriotic art form ??

Im "blessed" with the asian curse. ...



neah not the one where I have a natural God given right to the rope trick... besides nobody told them the complete story and somebody conveniently forgot to mention that the ceiling fan was part of the equation. ...but I digress...The particular curse i was referring to the absence of facial hair in that crucial area..the bridge ..the arc .. ah dangerous curves ahead !! should have known what i was getting myself into when a couple of days of laziness actually lit my tubelight and gave me a faint inkling of What was possible around my chin besides a constant and unfailing propensity to attract shoes...Try as i might diligently over the course of the next few weeks it just refused to grow in that area .. ...SO one day (ephiphany!) i look at myself in the mirror and see how i have progressed. Im disappointed of course .. and then i think to myself ..what is this fascination with all things firang .. in the truly unhallowed lands of men's facial fashion ..the french laid claim to the particular art form i was referring to ..and i aspire to be !!! ..french ?? WHY ? join the "legions" of men who had landed in normandy only to proudly display on their facial landscapes' ..the french flag ! NO ..that shall not be my fate ...Chiding over.I decide i shall make this rugged growth my own . I will highlight it with the tricolors and call it the D-G. ...Besides i need a little color to liven things up a bit! ...wars have been fought over less ..helen..land ..money ..oil .. pardon the bin-tughlaq rhetoric ..methinks he is the only candidate who would have taken up the cause during the medieval ages and gone to war with a neighboring fiefdom with a single point agenda of debearding them.....War ..hmm no ...the good thing about life is you live it once and then you dont come back ...the good thing about the DG is ..you can always choose your battle every week !...

Badminton and buddies!!

S.U.P.W --some useful periods wasted...The saga of the SUPW options in school ..ooo ..such a tuff decision ...should i take up western music ?...should i take up indian music ?...should i take up badminton ?...



should i take up home science? ..err.. no ...took up western music for a week and my teacher informed me that i had no particular talent except for whining that i did not understand "the words" of the angrezi numbers ...took up indian music ..broke a couple of tablas and a couple of tumblers in the bathroom(Yeah i was a powerful singer as my friend so eloquently put it! ) ...then badminton (Yes this I liked !! and was a lil decent at ! anything for an hour of play ) ...me and mah buddy B decided that this was going to be it ...i enjoyed kicking his derierre at the game and then the new age happened...class XI (how pretentious !) and new faces in school ...and someof them played baddy (pun intended!) ...two girls prance upto this gladiator display on the court with shuttlecocks et all and say they want to play ...fine okay !! ...I had never ever lost a game to B till that day and that fateful day OHHH ..when i had to play dubbles with one lady on my team and the other in B's team ... needless to say the fourplay wasnt fun !!! i was losing !! disaster ..unmitigated disaster ..i whined, complained and said i wanted to exchange partners and B the charmin bugger actually bent down on his knees to hand the shuttle cock to his new pardner ...phew ..some people should just be banned theyre bad influenza for the game .. we lost ..i cribbed and was generally sullen throughout and this seems to have left a lasting impression on the better halves of the mixed dubbles .. this lasted throughout my beard growing years (neah never successful!!) ...they hated me .. i think i deserved it ....Through the years every time we meet that game always comes up for discussion and she has never ceased to give me grief about it .. ...Wudnt exchange it for anything though !...everytime i hear a sportsperson say " Oh this game has given me so much " it takes on a whole new meaning ...through this game i met some of the people who have been my best wishers and friends throughout(Yes ! Bi and He and Ni and Di and Dee)..and to think i was stupid enough to whine about losing ... hah ...In baddy ..everyone's a winner :)...

The day i Die!

And she said you dun have the guts........"cold cold heart...hard dun by you " ...i donot want to count the days that have gone by ... honest i cannot !



...i hurt into every crevice of logical reasoning that i search as to why this had to happen ...and when i hurt i know you do too ...lord how do i say the things ..in retrospect in this plain sheet of paper when my present unravels in front of me ...calls me names ..jealousy .. envy and i could give it a thousand blouches...but truly.. to the memories of those waves that washed our footprints on the beach , and to my first bike ride and i wore a helmet and you did not ..cos ...yeah ..you TRUSTED me .. and where did that go ? ...and to the man who looks inside of me and assembles a collage of the promises i made to her and did not keep ..till the day she said (sigh) he's just a good friend .. a good friend how'll never be more ...i would not !! goddamnit i would not understand ..i was the most important male figure in her life and "hello ..this is (blah) " ....just as vacuous as that ..cannot replace me... a statement cannot replace me .....thats all he was in turn ... of the kaliedoscope ...when his lines crossed mine ...and Dint know was being dealt a hand of poker till .. ...he won!...Im a great actor but my speciality is blah (here's an easy riddle!! :) ) ...its just this ......i cannot see myself...i just cant .. ...into any picture of happiness that i see her in ... ...i dun see myself ..honest to God i DONOT ..is that supposed to ......i donot know ..Im not a nice guy but i know i can cry too ! when i see her cryin .. on her first baby ..on her first house,.. on her first nursery .. on her first prof success ... i dun see myself ......so many things ... i dun see myself in ....except in that song I wrote and sang to her a ...time time ..... ago ......he sees her money ...he sees his greed ...he sees himself ..calls himself jesus ...she loves him he pretends to ...till the days they turn ...green and blue ...In the eyes of the rolling dime ...call it fair call it mine...the spins fair the spins time ...he minds her honey ...he sees his breed...talkin abt that ..groupie girl ...she sings and he hurts gee...till the days they turn ...green and blue ...In the eyes of the rolling dime ...call it fair call it mine...the spins fair the spins time...and when it hurts no more ...lie lie to her ...toss that coin to the shore ...that gurl she's my head ...and the tails to yore ...till the days they turn ...green and blue ...In the eyes of the rolling dime ...call it fair call it mine...the spins fair the spins time......honest to God i had a good tune for this ......... tch tch was long time ago ...what are these memories doing ? haunting my present and all that ... the spin's fair after all ....the spin's time

The caveman Speaketh!

"Damn that's my voice ! " ...Thats what the caveman must have first felt when he heard the echo (well if he had a basic grounding in physics anyways!). .mostly scared too....That's exactly the feeling i have when i dread that a printed reproduction of what i jot down here today will appear before my eyes ..DOH ..what a thought ! ...I wish i could write about sex,drugs and rock 'n' roll but neah its a regular life ..disappointed ??



...I've been meaning to write this for quite a while but you know one thing crops up then another ..phew. Sometimes i really think we're so much better off without technology ..and THEN i go and see Speedermann. ...actually YES ..saw the most wicked stream of movies today ...speedermann ...fahrenheit ...the missing ...austin powers too ...was fun! ...Next agenda in life is to kick everybody's ass in a game of foosball tomorrow ..you know you should try this game ..for the uninitiated ..this is the game that the blokes from Friends (..tch i forget their names ..oh yeah Seinfeld and Kramer !) used to play all the time on a table sort of a thingie you know .. ...and yes finish reading that japanese book of short stories .....Yeah Yeah you figure I'm a procrastinator ..OKAY its a tiny confession ..but but judge me not yet ..I AM THE BEST PROCRASTINATOR there ever was ...I've been getting hate mail too ..lots of it actually ..never got one before this ..figured i was the regular nice guy ..give none too many ppl none too much to complain about ..but recent events have made me think otherwise .. so i look myself in the mirror everyday in a new light ...that reminds me ..my bathroom needs new lights ..Eureka ! ..so thats why the shaving nicks ..my face was a bloody battlefield today! ...Yeah i get my share of chinese torture everyday in the morning :( ...Hmm..where was I ? ..sorry not to sound to presumptious ..where was i? ...right hate mail! .....so I've been kinda rediscovering myself over the past few weeks and although most ppl ..nice ones that is ..would plain feel like crap when such things are said about them ..i have decided to take it as a journey .....a journey to discover who I am ..a nice guy ..a bad guy .. a menace..a scourge to society ..i don't know ..but i sure as hell mean to find out ...Only hope to God I'm not too late! ... Interested ?